She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize