shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
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The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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