it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
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last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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