lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
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Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
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He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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