I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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