Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize