I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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