i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize