I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize