I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize