No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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