Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize