I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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