Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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