I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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