Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize