You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
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I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
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Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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