why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize