found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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