I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
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Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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