Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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