if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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