Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize