It's Friday. Sex?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
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Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
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When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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