I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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