you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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