Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
is that a dick in a sweater?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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