You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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