My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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