So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
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Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
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There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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