I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize