i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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