Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
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the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
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If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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