im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize