The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
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We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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