i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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