If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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