I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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