When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I puked a lego.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
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My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
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Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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