My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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