My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize