I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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