i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We're too hungover to prance.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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