your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
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I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
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You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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