i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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