What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
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I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
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It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Randomize