I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize