Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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