I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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