It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize